6.30.2003
I never meant to but a thousand pounds
Of stress on your head
I love the way we sleep
And always cuddle in bed...
Baby if you give it to me
I'll give it to you
I know what you want
You know I got it
--Busta Rhymes
And any dude with you he better be a king to you now
And I ain't jealous, is the principle now...
But since you been asking about the friends
How'd you life it if both our names had Jackson at the ends
I really like what you've done to me
I can't really explain it
I'm so into you
--Fabolous feat. Ashanti, Into You
6.28.2003
Whoa...blogger is all updated & freaky now. Crazy!
I'm driving my sister to camp tomorrow. Speaking of crazy! She'll be gone THREE WEEKS...I'll miss her! I'll be the only one at home but whenever I complain she reminds me she has to put up with it for the 9 months a year I leave her for sunny CA. Apparently, anytime I do something "bad" at school, my sister gets punished for it. Hey, it could be worse, it could be the other way around. :)
Anyway. I think "Friends" tomorrow night, what do you think? I took a three hour nap this afternoon even though I got 8 hours of sleep last night. I didn't get a nap the day before, and possibly not even the day before THAT!!! Oh, wait, no, I took one that day. :) But anyway, I think this medication is making me too tired, but I think I may just have to deal with it if the alternative is fucking with it at all. I'm not up for anything that might effect my mood.
Wonderful day today. Herein lies my summary:
10:00 -- wake up
10:05 -- eat breakfast, check email, read comics, talk to family
10:30 -- shower
11:00 -- play guitar
12:00 -- eat lunch
12:45 -- check email, print some stuff online
13:00 -- play guitar
13:30 -- sleep
16:30 -- get awoken by mom
16:35 -- get out of bed
16:36 -- get phonecall
17:45 -- get off phone, call rabbi
17:50 -- watch 'Friends'
18:00 -- eat dinner
18:45 -- do dishes, watch TV
19:15 -- get online
19:30 -- watch Zoolander
and after that I've just been online & reading & I talked to Ma'ayan about doing something tomorrow. It's been raining here since like 8:30pm and now the streets are all puddley and the lights from the houses are reflecting off them. A car came down and did a circle in my cul-de-sac and it was really neat. I thought maybe it was a spy. (paranoia? nooooo)
So I read this other blog with news about adopting girls from China and stuff, and apparently some archeologists just found some jugs with ancient wine, about "5 litres of light green rice wine." Talk about your well-aged alcohol, I'd say that's ready to go.
I found out that inside those timed release pills are these itty-bitty little balls, that I suppose have different thicknesses or something...who really knows? Maybe a little research wouldn't kill me. I remember when I first started taking them it felt like I was swallowing a rattle. So bizarre. You shake them and they go: "chook-a-chook-a-chook." Creepy.
A firefly just flashed outside my window... I missed those a lot. Lightning bugs.
I should go to sleep, I'm so tired. But before I go I just want to point out that I think it's absolutely wonderful that Jay-Z and Beyonce are singing songs about how they're in love with each other. The only problem is if they break up it'll suck. But still, I'm also impressed that Jay-Z (aka megivemyhearttoawoman?notfornothinneverhappeni'llbeforevermackin) found -- not just any girlfriend -- someone who is widely considered to be one of the hottest women alive. Just a thought.
Also, last night I had a terrible terrible terrible dream about visiting Washington, but, as I was told, now it can only be better...If it's not...Oh God.
Time to sleep! But first, a Bright Eyes song that I like the title of.
I had a beautiful beautiful time
The drives and the talks were amazing
The kind of friend I thought I'd never find
I had a beautiful beautiful time
You have a beautiful beautiful smile
The way it cuts and collapses on your lips
And when you touch me I shake like a child
It's late I'm afraid you might leave
Because sometimes it seems like you still don't believe me
And there's nothing I can do to concentrate
It's so distracting always thinking of you
So I expose and explain that I meant everything that I said
It's moments like this that repeat and replay in my head
When I'm lying in bed
It's a beautiful beautiful time
As you laugh and roll onto your stomach
My heart pounds as I lay by your side
Because sometimes I find that I am unable to hide all these
Feelings that flow
In this basement and in this dim light
You look so beautiful
I'm unsure and unclear with the words that I say
I'm happy when you are near and I wish that forever could stay
Just like today
You have beautiful beautiful eyes
So bright and alive and enchanting
I want to be with you all of the time
It's hopeless but I have to try anyway
--Bright Eyes, Puella Quam Amo Est Pulchra (Latin for: The Girl That I Love Is Beautiful
6.24.2003
Move your body like a snake ma
Shake it till it wanna break ma
Don't hold back let it go na
Let your money make it jump na
Let me see you go low na
Bring it up and let it roll na
I love the way you work your chocha
Makes me wanna get to know ya
--And I wanna get to know ya too, R. Kelly, but I think you should get the hell up outa here.
Oh, also 2 great lines I heard on the radio from different, but equally, bad songs:
I think you're beautiful
Our love is mutual
--and--
Is there room for me
To get in your jeans?
Okay, so this is a super song.
Body smokin like a cuban cigar...
Girl you got me screamin fiesta
Body language sayin whatever
Get down get down
Love the way you put that thing on my no doubt
Get down get down
Maybe we can get together turn this party out
--R. Kelly, Sex with Teens
go to this page and this page. go!
Oops...I did it again!
Yeah in your dreams. :)
I've been going through a range of emotions today, from enthralled to frustrated to impatient to pissed off to worried to incredibly sublimly happy mixed in with great fatigue that seems to be chronic, which is where i am right now. I got to drive my mom's new car todayyyy and it's sooo sooo hot. shudder. I swear .... beautiful. Not that my first thought wasn't to trade it in for a mustang...
Isn't it funny, when you're all better and then your parents worry you're manic... Funny. Ain't that funny?
There is a moth around this computer and it's annoying me...It likes the light, I guess, since it keeps trying to hump the screen.
To end, a lyric:
Boy you got me feeling so good
You take all the pain away from me
Without you around I couldn't breathe
And I knew you fell in love with me
--Ashanti. Because I'm psychic.
6.23.2003
You know what's terrible is that last post is supposed to be posted under TOMORROW'S date, but I'm not even thinking on PDT now...
"My time, your time...why does it sound like you don't love me anymore?"
You know we're in high demand as people who suffer But I'm done with it. Done I tell you. Suffering sucks. How's that for a motto. My end of the school year resolution: Be happy. Not: Do whatever makes you happy, as I am often accused of saying, but: Be happy. With what I've got. Porque lo que tengo es el mejor que ya tenia.... I don't know if that even makes sense, but maybe a good translation is: Everything's great. :)
Now you don't even bother to ride the commuter train west to Chicago...
YET!!!!
--Bright Eyes, Laura Laurent
Yeah three weeks.
Yeah me bouncing off the walls in three weeks.
Hey, summer's going by so fast, it's almost a third over!
In three weeks. And I wouldn't object to those next 7 being the longest days of my life.
Please.
6.19.2003
I believe that lovers should be draped in flowers
Laid entwined together in a bed of clover
And left there to sleep
Left there to dream of their happiness
--Bright Eyes
Saw the librarians, got my hair trimmed, played guitar, slept. Busy day. Studied Hebrew. I saw my rabbi yesterday and that was really good. And I also saw one of his grandsons who is so cute! Eee! Little babies! I love them!
Little baby theories.... Aaah theories. :) Anyway, it's almost Friday. I have been home for over a week. That's crazy. I'm going to be home for so much longer than this. What am I going to do? I need to make phone calls I think. Hmmm. Go see various doctors. Why is life so fucking hard? What am I talking about, it's wonderful.
This is really all. Nothing new to say, just wanted to post those lyrics and talk about being home and a haircut and seeing the rabbi.
Or as Grace says: "What about me? ... I swim."
I was determined in Chicago
But I dug my teeth into my knees
And I settled for a telephone
Sang into your machine:
"You are my sunshine my only sunshine
You are my sunshine
My only sunshine"
--Bright Eyes
6.15.2003
And you thought I wasn't going to add a Bright Eyes quote. Silly you. A happy one this time:
But where was it when I first heard the sweet sounds of humility
It came to my ears in the goddamn loveliest melody
How grateful I was then to be part of the mystery
To love and to be loved
Let's just hope that is enough
--Bright Eyes, Let's Not Shit Ourselves
Wow, so long since I've posted. School's out. Back in Illinois with a silent s. It's so humid here. And hot. And rainy. And I miss California weather. My tan will disappear... I suppose there are worse things. I wish they all could be California girls. Yeah Beach Boys.
So I went and checked out the room I'm living in next year and it has a peephole which is pretty cool. It was totally trashed (the guy who lived there was doing his thesis and didn't clean up for months) -- seriously, trash all over the room. It was so bleary, but he said the windows are nice and let in light. As soon as I put my stuff up on the walls I think it will look super. I'm totally excited. Yeah three minute walk to Toyon. I also saw the rooms in Toyon for Greg, Rat, Tom, Tom Tom, Errol, Dave, Julie, Shari and Maria and they look really neat. 2/3 room triples so it's got a nice place to sit and then a place to sleep. And a good place for a kegerator. :)
So, looking back on the year. It was super. There were, obviously, a lot of problems that I had, and my roommate and I didn't end on speaking terms and Candace and I barely are, but I feel like the year was, all in all, awesome. The classes were great, I had an absolutely incredible dorm, the weather is always beautiful, the food, not so much, but what can you do. :) Even though I got screwed in draw I was guarenteed a single so it's really okay, and I'm near most of my friends. I hope to get closer to a lot of them next year. I think I've figured out my majors and my favorite professor is now my advisor and will be on maternity leave in the fall and she invited me to the bris and asked me to babysit when her son is born. I'm totally excited. Not only that, I'm done with IHUM forever, and I think it ended on a good note. Getting to write poems is always good, but analyzing your own poetry together with Alan Ginsberg's is always difficult.
But right now I'm wearing a totally comfortable wonderful cute pair of pants and a comfortable shirt, my throat is feeling so much better, I am feeling good although a bit tired but I've been getting sleep, I'm back with Leila, Ma'ayan and Stephanie, my dad just found a hat I made in 3rd grade, my room is getting clean, and I think I can be pretty confident in saying my life is good right now. Yes I miss California and my friends, and yes I am so excited for school to start again, taking Hungarian, Psych, Religous Studies, Intro Sems, Fiction Writing, but I have so much I want to do this summer! I need to write -- I need to write a play, a noveletta, stories, poems. I need to play clarinet and guitar and piano. I need to study with the rabbi and read books and watch movies and run and bike and swim and watch all the seasons of Sex and the City and Friends with my sister. I need to keep my parents worry level at a minimum and I need to get lots of sleep. I need to get ready for friends visiting and get less nervous about visiting them. I need to learn how to cook! I need to get a collection of my writing and see if I can publish that essay Prof. Fonrobert told me to publish. I need to garden and run around and be crazy. I have come so far and it's wonderful. I can tell you, with a great level of of confidence, that this feeling definitely beats sitting around wanting to die. It's incredible.
I love life.
